Sonntag, 4. Mai 2014

Only in dreams

 I don´t will write much I don´t find the right words, no I find them but only in my head and I want to feel them. Here are again some pictures wich may show a little how I would make pics if I could paint or shoot good photos, but I can´t. I really have to 
write more again, I really miss it but it´s always that hard to write free and speak your mind after someone took your words against you to hurt or even just to hange you. I feel like I don´t write honest then and this is worse than be just quiet for some time... How long it may will take!!! It won´t be so long ;)

 I miss something I still don´t know yet may just to be far away, I mean really be FREE but I also know that this is just an illusion and that I first have to free my mind cause I´ll take my mind, fears and the cage around me to every place I´ll go and this is fake freedom. I must stay myselfe even if the whole world is against me, even if they are right, freedom starts in your head but I just know the theoretic part, how to feel this way I have to learn, even if it takes lifes or forever, this is LOVE ONE - ALONE/ ALL-ONE ;)

 Wish you all a beautiful moment without thinking of time and the power to stay as you are, always and forever and play with the child you´ll always stay you can be proud of it.

Con luz y amor <3

Till later


Freitag, 2. Mai 2014

Back to reality but still feelings I don´t understand

I´m more or less "normal" again. But still I feel this way I wrote yesterday and then I see songs I wish they should be a message for me but if I´m honest I know they are not for me. And the worst thing about this is that I know deep in my heart thats it is better, even if it hurts and may never stop. But this is only the one thing, the other is I´ll do something I shouldn´t but I have to, I really have to, I want it so much ;)

Donnerstag, 1. Mai 2014

Too much strange, different feelings I need to kill now!!!!

I was too confused to write yesterday, I´m still but I´ll just try. I had some stress with such an idiot and was very angry too as you may saw this problem must be solved today... But this is not the only thing, I feel too clear at the mom and so I have too much different feelings for tooooo many situations, people and don´t know how to handle this without doing a big mistake. You already can read that I said some things I shouldnt have say to someone but instead of learning from this mistake I directly said the next truth to another one and now I´m totally lost in all this possibilitys and the knowledge about what I should do and what I want to do and this are two absolutely different things. 

I also have my problems to handle the thing with the eating theme and would like to ave some pills against every feeling I just don´t want to feel. Feeling is complicated and makes me act out of control and silly. I hate it. I have to find back into me and stay cool again. No more true words, feelings and all this things I don´t just need cause they are stones in my way, even if I really don´t know where this fucking way leads me to but I used to prefer it without stupid stones.

I often ask myself why people want that much drama if they couldhave it so much more easier now I know they are "normal" if this is normal this world is a ery strange, dark place. As you may see I still can´t write about all I feel and I dont want I mean this is an open blog but Ireally hope today will be a day with feelings I chose again...
Acid in my brain to less acid in my head too much reality I wanna get high I´ll get insane without my feelings to take whenever I want, my control, the way I feel normal in my soul. Strange strange noises on my skin.

Well this is the thing I want 3 different things by 3 different people and 2 of them are totally crazy so I fucking have to find my mind again!!!!

I think I´ll write more later maybe all goes as ihope and I´m "clear" again later and find better words I also guess till than the pics sayenough about my situation....